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hello, i need help with my thesis statement. I want to get a good grade but not sure if this is correct, let me know any suggestions and also what should i add.

Topic; what does the poem dulce et decorum est suggest to you about the forces that inhibit or encourage an individual's actions?

this question I only need to use inhibit or encourage.

I'm using encourage. let me know if you know any suggestions of what else should i add.

 

thesis:   As suggested in the poem dulce et decorum est, individuals come to be affected by a traumatic war. In order for them to move on they turn out to be encouraged by the death of fellow soldiers, Owen becomes to have the strength to write about the truth of what war really is like and take action by telling those as stated in the poem that there’s nothing glorious about the war.

please let me know some examples of what should I add to this thesis statement, and how to write this thesis statement since this s the first time writing one. thanks.

3 years ago

Answered By Haifa A

Hello,

When writing a thesis statement, it's important to remain general and address the issues presented in the story/poem as a whole. Once you start your body paragraphs, you can begin to include specific examples like characters and plot points to help support your thesis. 

The beginning of your thesis is a good start and only needs a little editing: "In his poem "Dulce et Decorum", Wilfred Owen (or Owen if you have already mentioned the author) alludes to the trauma individuals face after experiencing a war." 

The second sentence is a good example of how soldiers move on during war so you could change it to "when on the battlefield, soldiers must use the death of fellow members as encouragement to move forward and survive"

"Owen becomes to have the strength" has good intention but the word 'becomes' is a bit misplaced and could be repleaced by "Owen gains the strength to wite about/express the reality of war and how it is in fact, not glorious in nature."

The length of your thesis is good, and with a little elevated vocabulary and the rephrasing of some sentences, you should be good to go.

Feel free to let me know if you have any other questions. :)